Someone in my office told me today that they admire me for being brave and not caring what people think of me. To tell the truth, I am not really sure how to handle remarks like this...

I mean, it doesn't really take any courage, just the desire to follow one's heart.

This all stemmed around me wanting to dance on a table yesterday at an event with a dj. It was the middle of a sunny day, the turntables were spinning some awesome tunes and I just wanted to dance. I grabbed this one person, who is pretty open-minded, and headed towards this picnic table and encouraged her to get up on it with me and dance. She refused in a move that seemed to reek of false modesty and left me standing there.

So, I see her today, and she's all "oh, you're so cool, I wish I could do that" and I couldn't help feeling like this "compliment" was just a nice way of saying not to try that again. I always get all judgmental about stuff like this because what people don't realize about me is that I am not the brave person I appear to be. I am not all that confident and I consider myself quite shy, yet I just don't see the point in waiting around if what I really want to do (and doesn't involve bodily injury) is within my grasp. And, it annoys me when people just assume that it's brave of me or that I am a "great" person because I can get things going. The truth is, I just get bored of waiting around for everyone else to catch on.

I just want to grab people by the shoulders and shake them. I am no greater than them. If they wanted to dance in the middle of a field, then they should. Or, is it just that they really don't want to do it and are afraid that they will piss me off if they say no. This particular individual was bopping around and looked like she wanted to do it but perhaps she wasn't brave enough to say no. Nevertheless, it's left me with an uncomfortable feeling...

In the back of my head, all I can hear is that voice that says that I'm not really that special. I am shy yet have built up a facade of strength to protect my heart. What's so admirable about that?

I urge every one of you who feels like dancing to dance, who feels like singing to sing and who feels like living without the judgment of others to do that. Life's too short to sit around admiring the acts of others. I would rather inspire than be admired...

Speaking of inspiration, I visited a pottery instructor in Vancouver this past weekend who was totally cool. His name is Hide (and you can find his link down this page's sidebar) and he has some amazing work. His philosophy on pottery is unique and I cannot wait to learn from him!

Take care all!